MyFoggyJourneyAsToldByBosco
by OneLastRefrain
Summary: The hard life of Bosco. His feelings of Jealousy haunt him. How will it stop? Can it? Or will he lose himself in a mist? PLEASE R&R! A Cruz and Bosco fic
1. AccordingToBosco

Title: My Foggy Journey 

Summary: The hard life of Bosco. His feelings of Jealousy haunt him. How will it stop? Can it? Or will he lose himself in a mist? PLEASE R&R! 

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. NBC owns them. Too bad..

Spoilers: None

Relationships: Bosco/Cruz  Bosco/Faith     Faith/Fred    Jimmy/Kim   

Notes: Created past life of Cruz. Keyword- CREATED. I don't know how her past life was in the show but this is how it would be if I determined it.

Reviews and Comments: Please Review! I can't urge you enough. Please add some ideas or tips to make it better. Thanks ^^

                                                      My Foggy Journey

I lied motionless beside Cruz as the sunlight leaked into her apartment and spread across the bed. It was just like every night. The same old thing. I go to see Cruz and guess where we both end up? Like usual beside each other. I think to myself, is this the way I really want to like my life? It's hard for me, Bosco, to live the way I do. It's always such a foggy road for me. Life that is. I look at my friends and wonder if I would rather have there life other then mine. 

I think of Faith and her family. She seems to be the luckiest. She has two kids that love her dearly, Emily and Charlie. She also has the best husband a girl can probably ask for. One who loves her, cares about her, one whos always there, Fred. Sometimes I wish I was him. I wish I had someone who loves me as much as she loves him. They seem perfect together. Always happy. Faith talks my ear off about her family. She loves them all so much. I realize this. Jealousy fills me everyday. I'm ashamed for being jealous. Faith is my best friend and I love her dearly. She will always be my friend and partner. I would give the world for her. I would die for her. I would do anything for her. I just want her to be happy and loved. Somehow I know she will always have someone who loves her. Me.

Then there's Jimmy. He and Kim are perfect together. Sure they have disagreements but whenever I see them together, it's like they are both beaming. I see Kim come into work sometimes when I visit the firehouse unit. I can notice her smile that fills the room when she sees Jimmy. Kim has had a hard life. I know. But now her life is finally pulling together. I'm so happy for her. She deserves it. Jimmy loves his job as a firefighter. Told me he would never change it for the world. I know he loves what he does and enjoys saving people's lives. Who wouldn't?

I think about the girl that lies next to me and wonder if she feels the same way I do. I understand a lot more about Maritiza Cruz then I ever had before. I guess when you sleep with someone everyday it changes you. She had a tough life growing up here. Fighting and selling drugs as a teenager just to get though and live. She had a family to support and feed. Her parents weren't around much and when they were, they were either drunk, or used all there money on drugs. She also had many enemies. I'm sure she's terrified that they may come back and kill her. I tell her they are gone but she says they will kill her eventually. She tells me this everyday. That she may not be alive tomorrow. Cruz had a lot of pressure on her. I see that. I understand that. After the fire, whenever I look at her, I see the sadness in her eyes. It scares me sometimes. I wish I could make her happy. I don't know how though. She misses her sister. She was everything to her. Her life. Her joy. With her gone she seems to only have me. I need to be there for her. I want to be there for her. I have to be there for her. I can't let her down. I want her to be happy. 

My mind covers all these people, every morning when I wake up. It's hard not knowing what today will bring you. What if Jimmy or Kim don't make it out safe from the fire? What if Faith gets killed by a shooting rampage today? What if Cruz's enemies come back and kill her. Take her away from me. What if I die? Who would miss me? Would they forget about me within a week? Or would I actually make a difference. I don't know the answer to any of the questions. I just know this is my life. Whether I like it or not. I must live in it. Day by day, breath by breath, I just have to breathe, to live, and to go on.


	2. AccordingToCruz

I hear Bosco turn beside me and slit open my eyes to the sun filled room. Instead of saying anything I make believe I'm asleep and think about my life. Cuez, chica, your life is a mess. Compared to most that is. I can sense Bosco is feeling the same way, when I talk to him. I have nowhere to go. I feel like life doesn't want me anymore. This is why I turn to Bosco.

Bosco makes me feel like I have a meaning to the world. He's so special to me. It's a weird sort of relationship I guess. We both need each other. I don't know who I would turn to if Bosco wasn't here. That's why I'm scared a lot. Because of our jobs in the anticrime agency and NYPD anything can happen to either of us any day. I wonder what he would do without me. I wonder if he would be fine and move on to the next best thing or would he fall apart. Well at least that's what he tells me. I trust him though and he trusts me. We trust each other. Who else do we have?  He has Faith but I don't have anyone. My life would fall apart without Bosco to say the least. He's the one person in my life who probably cares whether I'm dead or alive. I'm definite Faith and the others would care less. They think I'm a 'Latina bitch with an attitude that could kill.' Oh give me a break! I wish that Faith could take one day in my shoes and see how it feels.

Bosco tells me a lot about his life. Something's he hasn't even told anyone. I think it's because we are in the same stage in life, both miserable, lost souls perhaps. We both have had tough pasts and similar problems. I feel sympathy towards Bosco sometimes. I hear about his childhood and his brother Mikey. He tells me about how his parents were and how they didn't support the family. It reminded me much of my own with my sister. He has a lot of stress on him. I'm here for him and do my best to make him feel more useful to life. It makes me feel like I have a meaning. Maybe we are each others guardian angels? Hey, I'm not talking crazy. Could be though, we are both always there for each other. But that's what friends are for I guess.

I don't know what I would do without him to be truthfully honest. Maybe I would die. Maybe I would live my life alone and miserable. Half of the time I do feel alone. Like now. Even though he's right next to me I feel empty. This is because I'm thinking about my messed up life. I wish I could change it. Sometimes I envy Faith. I wish I had someone who loves me like her husband does. She has the perfect family in my eyes. But hey, grass is greener on the other side right?

I'm not sure if I'm in love with Bosco. I do love him, don't get me wrong. I know he cares about me. He told me he loved me. I sure did feel like a bitch when I just stood there speechless. That hurt him a lot. I can tell It did. Even though he knows I love him I don't know if I'm 'in love' with him. Love sucks. We both agreed on that. So does talking. Talking leads to fights and fights lead to hell in his words. That's what he told me after we had a few fights. The truth is talking is the key to our relationship. Even know it has so many consequences, we wouldn't feel the same way if we never talked. Hell no. I guess it was just meant to be. For me to find Bosco and for Bosco to find me. Together.


End file.
